Problem solved. We're fine now... But dammit I still can't help but feel jealous... Why am I like this? I keep on saying to myself that everything is fine, everything is okay, but I'm still jealous. Why? Because I'm useless. All the times we've been together, I've never done anything to make her happy, I've never done anything to help her. I'm a damned useless motherfucker. Not a single time have I made her happy, not once have I made her smile. I'm useless. I was right. She's better off with him. She's better off without me. I was right all along. But I never even bothered to listen to myself. Now look at me. I'm down on my knees begging time to turn back, even though I know it wouldn't. Its useless to think that I could make up for the mistakes I've made. There's no more time. Its pointless to think that I could have her again. Time isn't with me, neither is destiny nor fate. I'm down on my knees praying, if I could b given a chance to change everything. But I know its futile. Its worthless... I'm worthless... I wish they would've let me quit before... My life isn't worth living anymore... I can't live without her... I just can't... Life is cruel if she's gone... Please... Let me die now... Let me end my suffering... My life is pointless... It's worthless... I'm useless. Not once have I seen her smile on her own, not once have I seen her smile without being forced by the man who loves her... I wasn't any help to her, and now that she's gone, I won't be of any use to world. And so, its better off that I'm gone. For good. But then, life still has things hidden for me... It still has things planned for me, it still has things ready to give to me. And from what I've been through, this time, I'll make sure, I won't make a mistake.
"You old fool. Its time to pick up those frail old feet of yours and start moving. Life ain't gonna wait for you, you know." This is what I told myself. And I will not forget it, together with the memories we shared together, no matter how painful.
"Life is somehow like an ocean. There's not just one island on it, there are thousands, perhaps millions. You can't just stay on one and live there. Someday, someone else is gonna move in, ore that island's gonna sink down the waves." Another line I told myself.
And so, another chapter of our lives begin, and I will begin with all of us. Its time to leave our past experiences behind, take a few maybe, and see what we can get from them. Its time we pick up our frail old feet and start moving. Our island's sinking beneath the waves.
Cherry Blossom
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