Fourth Chapter of a Diary

Day after day, trouble arises. There's always a problem somewhere in the world. And people who have the power try to solve it, and they do. After years of debating, trying with tons of failures, and also after being called useless power-hungry bastards.

But wait, are certain people the only ones who could solve the problems and troubles of our dying home? What about the common people who just sit around and talk about the problem, saying that the people in-charge aren't doing anything except talk about the problem at hand... Strange, no?

Why is it that common people just wait for the problem to have a solution? Why don't we, the common powerless people, do anything to solve the problems ourselves? Why? Because the common, powerless, useless people exist only to complain and suffer. Only certain people exist to solve our world's problems, and the common people aren't part of that group of certain people.

Who are these certain people? The powerful (and of course, power-hungry) leaders of the many countries that pock-mark our world. They, and only they, have the right to find solutions for our problems and only they have the right to say, "EUREKA!!! WE"VE FOUND THE CURE FOR CANCER!!!" and actually congratulate the people who worked their lives in finding the solution.

But, can't we, the common people, do anything? Of course we can, but all we ever do is run to the streets carrying signboards telling a high ranking politician to resign, while causing heavy traffic jams in the process.

Rallies, that is all we, the common people, ever do when there's a problem our beloved world faces. We always blame it on people who try to solve it, not on ourselves who caused most of the problem.

Complain, run around with signboards, cause heavy traffic jams, these seem to be the only things that we, the common people, are capable of doing in the face of national trouble.

Why don't we do anything useful? Can't we do anything? We can, but we always rely on our leaders, on the people on top, to solve the problem for us, while just sit back, relax, and wait while complaining all the time that our world sucks.

That's all we, the common people, are capable of doing, since we don't want to sweat our own lives out looking for a solution to a problem. And unless we stop this useless charade and get on with helping our world, we'll soon run out of ideas and just start stabbing each other with kitchen knives in the heart.

But, its your choices. No one's telling you to go and help our leaders, its just plain stupid. We, the common people, exist only to complain and suffer, after all.

A chapter from a child's diary...

Cherry Blossom

People have been asking, why are we alive? Why are we on this world? What is our purpose for living? What is the reason why there is human life? Why is there life at all? Many have tried to answer this question, and most have failed. They expected complex answers for these questions,

but there is one simple answer. We live to experience it. We live because in our sub conscience, we wanted to know what life really is like, and we wanted to know if it would be better to be just subconsciousness, or its better to be, alive. And so, we live, only because we wanted to experience it. There is life because life itself wants to exist.

A more simple answer to the question. There is life because there just is. There is no true reason why life exists, why life flourish in the earth (even though, through the current actions of humankind, it will vanish). Life exists because it just does. If there was a reason why there is life, life would be, pointless. Yes, pointless. Because if that reason is somehow lost, then life itself would be lost.

Maybe that is why a lot of broken hearted assholes commit suicide. Its because they commit their lives to the one they love, and so, the one they love is their reason for living. And when the one they love is gone, they have no more reason to live. No more life for them. That is why, they are stupid. They are idiots who think that everything on this world of ours (once beautiful, now, like and old woman, has lost its beauty and is at the brink of death) exist for a reason.

I have to admit (I did not intend to put this here, really, but then, who the hell cares anyway) that I was one of those assholes. I have found someone to love, and made her my reason for my life to exist. Then I lost her, and my reason for life with her. I wanted to die, I wanted to leave this cruel world (and of course, that is very true. The cruel part, I mean). I wanted to just vanish. But I couldn't. I just can't. I thought, why leave this world too early? I still have time to live (if the Incas, or was it the Mayans, were right, by that time I would have 3 or 4 years left), so why end its so quickly?

Another reason, and a stupid one too, why I didn't commit suicide. I was afraid of being hurt. Stupid, isn't it?

A chapter from a child's diary
Cherry Blossom

Me Against the World

We're not gonna be just a part of their game
We're not gonna be just the victims
They're taking our dreams and they tear them apart
Til everyone's the same

I've got no place to go
I've got nowhere to run
They'd love to watch me fall
They think they know it all

I'm a nightmare, a disaster
That's what they always said
I'm a lost cause, not a hero
But I'll make it on my own
I'm gonna prove them wrong
Me against the world
It's me against the world

We won't let them change how we feel in our hearts
We're not gonna let them control us
We won't let them shove all their thoughts in our heads
And we'll never be like them

I've got no place to go
I've got nowhere to run
They'd love to watch me fall
They think they know it all

I'm a nightmare, a disaster
That's what they always said
I'm a lost cause, not a hero
But I'll make it on my own
I'm gonna prove them wrong

It's me against the world
World... world... world...
Me against the world
World... world... world...

(Scream)

Now I'm sick of this waiting
So come on and take your shot
You can spit all your insults
But nothing you say's gonna change us
You can sit there and judge me
Say what you want to
We'll never let you win.

I'm a nightmare, a disaster
That's what they always said
I'm a lost cause, not a hero
But I'll make it on my own

Me against the wooooooorld
I'm a nightmare, a disaster
That's what they always said
I'm a lost cause, not a hero
But I'll make it on my own

I'm gonna prove them wrong
They'll never bring us down
We'll never fall in line
I'll make it on my own
Me against the world

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3VdqxS8mEs

Second Chapter from a Diary

It is what we do that defines us, it is our attitude that molds us into what we are, and what we will be. That is what I've learned from my life here in this damned place, and maybe, all of you as well. What we do is different from what people around us do. It is different in nature in reasons, and it is the reason that defines us, our reason for living, our reason for being us.

What I'm trying to say is, be yourselves. Don't be like anyone else you want to be. Live your life the way you want to, and if anyone doesn't like the way your are, to hell with them. This is your life, not theirs. Its you who does complaining about yourself, no anyone else. If there is anything they want you to be like, to hell with them. You are what you want to be. You shouldn't change unless you want to. Don't be anyone's puppet. Don't be anyone's mirror of themselves. Be yourself.

There are people who wants us to change for selfish reasons. They want us to be like them, to be common, to be the same to their personalities, their likes, and we shouldn't be like them. Stop copying others, stop immitating people. You are yourself. Find your image, find your personality. Be someone unique, be someone special. Do not let what others say about you get to you. Don't let their criticisms change you.

But if you want a life like theirs, then its up to you. Be who you want to be, be like others, and you will miss whats its like to be unique, to be a person standing out among the rest. You will miss a life of freedom from the chains of society. You will miss a life of being special, of being different, of speaking out yourself. You will live a life of content, not of pleasure. You will live a mediocre life, not perfect. You will live a gloomy, life filled with nothing but black and white. You will not see the color of life itself. You will never see the color of your unique self.

Your time is about to end. Find who you are, see for yourself the life you are supposed to live. Find in yourself the special person that will lead you to freedom, find yourself with yourself. Find your true soul. Time is running out. Be quick There's no turning back.

A chapter from a diary...
Cherry Blossom

A Chapter from a Diary

Problem solved. We're fine now... But dammit I still can't help but feel jealous... Why am I like this? I keep on saying to myself that everything is fine, everything is okay, but I'm still jealous. Why? Because I'm useless. All the times we've been together, I've never done anything to make her happy, I've never done anything to help her. I'm a damned useless motherfucker. Not a single time have I made her happy, not once have I made her smile. I'm useless. I was right. She's better off with him. She's better off without me. I was right all along. But I never even bothered to listen to myself. Now look at me. I'm down on my knees begging time to turn back, even though I know it wouldn't. Its useless to think that I could make up for the mistakes I've made. There's no more time. Its pointless to think that I could have her again. Time isn't with me, neither is destiny nor fate. I'm down on my knees praying, if I could b given a chance to change everything. But I know its futile. Its worthless... I'm worthless... I wish they would've let me quit before... My life isn't worth living anymore... I can't live without her... I just can't... Life is cruel if she's gone... Please... Let me die now... Let me end my suffering... My life is pointless... It's worthless... I'm useless. Not once have I seen her smile on her own, not once have I seen her smile without being forced by the man who loves her... I wasn't any help to her, and now that she's gone, I won't be of any use to world. And so, its better off that I'm gone. For good. But then, life still has things hidden for me... It still has things planned for me, it still has things ready to give to me. And from what I've been through, this time, I'll make sure, I won't make a mistake.

"You old fool. Its time to pick up those frail old feet of yours and start moving. Life ain't gonna wait for you, you know." This is what I told myself. And I will not forget it, together with the memories we shared together, no matter how painful.

"Life is somehow like an ocean. There's not just one island on it, there are thousands, perhaps millions. You can't just stay on one and live there. Someday, someone else is gonna move in, ore that island's gonna sink down the waves." Another line I told myself.

And so, another chapter of our lives begin, and I will begin with all of us. Its time to leave our past experiences behind, take a few maybe, and see what we can get from them. Its time we pick up our frail old feet and start moving. Our island's sinking beneath the waves.

A chapter from a diary...
Cherry Blossom

Love for an Angel

Heaven cried its tears

For the loss of its child

An angel of pure beauty

And a heart, loving and mild

She stumbled and she fell

From heaven's lofty clouds

Into a world filled with hate

And souls covered in shrouds

A special soul found the angel

Fallen, hurt and in tears

He came closer to befriend her

But she hid, she showed her fear

He said to her in a tender voice

"Do not be afraid, gentle one,

I will not harm a beauty as you

For my heart and soul you've won."

The angel still held doubt and asked

"Prove yourself, speak truth and all.

Do you love truely for beauty,

Or do you love falsely for soul?"

"From your choices I can't decide,

For my love is true for soul and beauty,

My heart you caught at first glance,

My soul you've taken for eternity."

"But you cannot love me," she sighed.

"You musn't love me for we're not the same.

I am not supposed to by loved by you,

If your heart is broken, your foolishness is to blame."

"I know of the prices I have to pay,

Of the things we do not share.

But isn't love what binds differences together

And replaces them with tenderness and care?"

"Let me love you, tender one,

Let me prove my deep feelings.

Let me show how true my love is,

Let grow between us trust and understanding."

The angel gave thought, but pitied the young soul.

She said he could prove it if a promise is made.

If she leaves him, not a tear should be shed,

Sadness and sorrow, all misery she forbade.

And time went on by,

Together their love grew.

And more time passed by,

Their love was pure and true.

But the time did come when she had to leave,

He was filled with sorrow, but not a tear was shed.

She asked him if he loved her, and why not a tear,

He said to her, "Because of a promise, though my heart has bled."

Tears filled her eyes, she cried as she walked farther.

She told him she loved him, that she'll love him forever.

Talking to Myself

One day, a simple day, a child came to me, a child who looked like me. But his eyes showed pain and suffering, while mine showed content. He came up to me and asked, "What is love?"

I told him, "Love is our salvation from the pains of solitude. It is our only hope of peace, our only aid in a life of happiness."

With these words, he burst into tears and anger, shouting, "Then why are we hurt when we fall in love? Why does it hurt to love some one? Why do I have to go through so much pain to feel the love of another?"

I told him, as calmly as I could, "Love tests us, it wants to know if we are worthy of its pleasures, if we are ready to bear it upon our shoulders. No pleasure is gained without pain, no happiness is gained without sorrow."

"But why so much? Why does it make us suffer so much?" His eyes were red with tears. His sniffles were more constant.

"Because love tests us constantly, trying us, seeing if we are strong enough to carry its burden throughout our lives."

"Why does it hurt to love another?" He asked me. His voice showed understanding, but still has doubt within.

"Because we love them with the knowledge that they may leave us sometime in our lives, and that we must learn to let them go. That is the way loves tests us, it tests us with pain and suffering, and if we survive the pain we experience no matter what, if we have the strength to hold on to love no matter what, it rewards us with happiness and joy."

I look into his eyes and now they show understanding. His doubt was erased, but there were still things he needed to know, things that not even I could understand.

"Why is there pain?" He asked me. He looked into my eyes and then looked away.

"For us to know what pleasure and happiness really is. If we do not go through pain, we do not know what happiness realy is."

"You're telling me that if there is no pain, there is no happiness. Why?"

"One cannot exist without the other. That is the way of life. Things exist in opposites. Such is the way things exist. Pain in pleasure, happiness and sorrow, love and hate."

"Why is there suffering in the world? Why do people show no love? They show only hate. They show only doubt and anger. Their eyes show pain and suffering, just like me."

"Because others cannot understand the true meaning of love, of life, like me. No one can understand life, they only see a part of it, the rest is shaded in grey."

The child looked at me one last time then said to me, "You know so much, I wish I could be like you. You see things in ways others can't."

I told him, "I see things in ways others cannot for I see things in my eyes. We see things differently, others may see life as cruel, others may see it as kind. And someday, you will be like me."

He turned and left the way he came, and I just looked at him, wishing that I was him.

The Cherry Blossoms fall Once More

The falling petals of the cherry blossoms fall gracefully with the wind, their beauty catches even the most ignorant of eyes.

Petals of cherry blossoms falling like feathers in the wind, dancing beautifully and gracefully, their enchanting show engraved in our memory like a picture of a special friend.

But somehow, even the most eternal of memories are still forgotten, even the sweetest of words are ignored, but the cherry blossoms remind us of the things we ought to remember.

The cherry blossoms float in the spring air, gracefully, beautifully, slowly enchanting us with their dance, reminding us of the beauty that we've seen.

The cherry blossoms one by one reach the warm skin of the earth and are slowly forgotten, but the memories they reminded us are still with us, together with a picture of cherry blossoms slowly, gracefully, beautifully floating in the spring air.

Voices

Nightmares every hour of every night
Dreams of your goodbyes
Your voice speaking into my head
Saying of its cruel lies

Your painful words echo each day
They speak to me of pain
Your lies about your love for me
And your affection that waned

My love for you shall never end
But my trust starts to wither
Your voice still speaks within
And flies off like a feather

Legacy of a Bleeding Angel

Silent creature, whose eyes fill with tears,
Your pitiful life is full of sorrow and cries,
A life full of false views and fears,
A life filled with false words and lies.

Yet you hold on to your life that you treasure,
You hold on to the lies that were told,
On a life filled with pains and no pleasure,
You hold on to the pains you behold.

No One Knows

No one knows who I am within,
Its only my outer shell they see.
A happy, contented little boy,
Who lives his life carefree.

No one knows the pain inside,
A world flooded with tears.
No one knows the hurt that resides,
In a mind clouded by fears.

A broken heart, a dying soul,
A life not so contented.
A lonely heart, a crying soul,
A life being tormented.

Hurt by fears and endless tears,
Despair is so relentless.
Struck by fears and dying tears,
A lonely soul so lifeless.

An Empty Wish

Silently, hopelessly, I walk these roads,
Wishing upon a dying star to see your smile.
Singing a song of a tired and broken heart.
Wandering aimlessly, wandering on for miles.

I rest beneath a barren tree, in its little shade.
I look up into the sky and wish upon a star,
To see your face and touch it once more,
Though I know you've already gone so far.

I wandered on and on again, aimlessly and hopelessly,
Wishing you are here right now, holding my hand.
I wish upon a dying star on an empty night sky,
Remebering the memories that have been left behind.

CutE Little Lamb

Anna had a little lamb
A murderous little thing
Anna went to school today
With arms and legs a-missing

The little lamb went on to town
And ate the people's guts
Its eyes fell on a naked man
And bit off his little nuts

The lamb went to the mayor's house
And rammed down the door
A bang and crash, the mayor screamed
And was mopped off the floor

The lamb picked up a bow and arrow
And shot so many people
Cause it played William Tell
With heads on top of apples

The lamb then went to cross the street
But met its unlucky fate
The postman's car came zoomin' by
And pasted Lamb to its license plate

This is the end of our little friend
But stories aren't always so
There's more where they came from
So watch out for your, you know.

Life

This life is boring
This life is sad
This life's annoying
But not all that bad

Sometimes you'll see smiles
Sometimes you'll hear laughter
Sometimes you'll feel happiness
Though these don't last forever

But what about me
What have I got
I'm just a poor soul
That someone forgot

All I do is cry
All I do is whimper
I ignore their cold hearts
With hardly a shiver

Why am I like this
Why am I sad
When all others around me
All seem so glad

But it doesn't matter
I don't even care
I'm contented with my life
Even though it's not fair

One Last Chance for One Last Dance

When I look at you, you look away.
When I walk to you, you walk away.
When I call your name, you cover your ears.
Then you hide yourself and shed your tears.

I love you but you never let me
Show you how much I love you.
I'm in love with you,
All I want is to be with you.

So let me hold your hand.
Let my lips touch yours.
Give me the chance,
For one last dance.

A Simple Story

On a silent day, beneath a golden sun
A lonesome soul walks by
His head bowed low, his lips a frown
His eyes show he had cried
And then he sat, the world he shunned
And wept till tears run dry

And then a soul walked by once more
And sat beside the child
She rest her hand on his heart that's sore
And whispered words so mild
"I love you so, perhaps much more
My heart you have beguiled."

He looked into her eyes
He spoke words so soft
"I love you so, I could not lie
My heart you've caught aloft
But our love won't last, it will die
We shouldn't be so daft."

"Don't say such words my precious one,
I promise our love will last.
I'll do all I can, your love I've won,
I won't lose it to our past.
Please stay, you can't be gone.
My heart you musn't cast!"

He stood, he didn't fight.
She stood beside him still.
He held her so close, so tight.
With tears her eyes were filled.
They walked into the night,
With happiness their hearts are filled.

My Angel

Farewell my angel
You've shed your wings
And now you're falling

I cannot hope to catch you
For my arms you've bound

I cannot hope to save you
For my soul you've blinded

Farewell my angel
Farewell forever

Sanity in Question

I am at the edge of sanity, my mind almost at insanity
Holding on with one hand, oe by one my fingers slip
Slowly, I tumble into the darkness
The light of sanity slowly fading away

But the darkness of insanity is what I wished for
Sanity is my fear, my weakness, my hatred, my former love
Insanity is what I long for, what I wanted to have
The broken mind is my sanctuary

The crazy need not care for others
The mad need not wish for help
The insane need not love from others
The broken minds need not other people

This is my mind speaking at its last moments of sanity
My heart grew silent in its sleep
My soul grew tired of the world around it
And softly, I say farewell to the world I used to love

Old Friend

Hello old friend, so long we've last met.
You're fine my friend, my life isn't fair.
Others cast me off like an unwanted pet,
And threw me to my life of despair.

My heart is dying, that much I'll tell,
And my soul is waning, to sleep forever.
I have loved a friend, in love I fell,
In pain eternal, in pure woe and despair.

But so long I held on, I spared no thought,
Of my sake nor others but only her smile.
Her heart I held, for I have fought,
Only to feel the pains of denial.

Now I weep in the sorrow of what I have felt,
Now I cry in the midst of other's laughter.
My heart is now dying, my soul will soon melt,
The pains of my heart, of emotional slaughter,
I have felt all the pains in the world.

Long Ago

'Twas long ago that first we met,
'Twas long ago beneath the sunset.
The orange sun low on the sky,
Your smile smile beguiling, I can't deny.

But all had died, all has ended
You cast me off like nothing.
Then you left, as though nothing happened,
You broke my heart, destroyed everything.

Let others weep, let others cry,
Let them wail 'till tears run dry.
But I'll be strong, I'll not shed a tear,
I shan't weep, this pain I'll bear.

Long before, I used to cry.
But never shall I weep again.
My heart is dead, my tears are dry,
I will not weep, this is the end.